Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just gargled with NyQuil
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
