ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
