i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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