whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
