Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh god it's open bar.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
