did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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