We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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