He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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