Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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