How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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