You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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