his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
