We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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