Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
