Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize