I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
