hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
