Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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