FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
