And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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