I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
