Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
