You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
