chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
