I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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