I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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