Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
