oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
