I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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