Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
