Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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