Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
