I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dear god my vagina.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
