How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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