she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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