Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The Olympian is in my bed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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