Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
