This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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