Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
