No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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