the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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