Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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