Moan for me like Helen Keller
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
