I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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