I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love accidental penises.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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