nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
