Umm I'm too high to move.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
