:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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