i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
