I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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