Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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