No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
