In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
