I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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