He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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