When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
