Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm too high and old for this...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
