is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
