Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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