forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you traded sex for a burrito?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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