sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
