If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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