This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
