Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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