Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
