I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
