so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
