i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she pinky promised me she was 18
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
