She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
