I think I won the penis lottery.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
