Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
