Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
