please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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