Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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