ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
