it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
