Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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