Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Someone signed my nipple.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
